To tell this story I suppose it makes the most sense to start from the very beginning: conception. We haven’t been to our first prenatal appointment yet so there has been no way (and maybe never will be) to confirm my suspicions that this baby was conceived during the weekend of our 6 month anniversary. Six months is not a long time to have been married before starting a family. But even now, only 6 weeks into the pregnancy, I see that the timing of this pregnancy is actually going to work out perfectly.
For our six month anniversary (which was really Feb 25 – but we didn’t get to celebrate until the 29th), Jason and I made dinner reservations at a new restaurant in our neighborhood called Madeleine Mae’s. Over dinner we talked about our careers, our relationship – and our future. We set up a tentative timeline for having kids (maybe we’d start trying early in the spring semester of 09) and we’d have a newborn right when I was finishing up and defending my dissertation. Then I could take some time off before going to work. It was a good plan. However, in our newlywed bliss, somehow the plan got lost over the course of the weekend.
So fast forward to three weeks later – Easter Day. Jason and I were in Baltimore. On Easter Sunday our friends Mandy and Josh gave birth to their first son Patrick. Only hours after he was born we went to the hospital to meet him. Seeing a baby only a few hours after birth is a true miracle. It’s hard to believe that just shortly before he was living inside of Mandy – and now he was out in the world. Only a few hours behind him and his long life still stretched out before him. Seeing little Patrick must have made an equally large impression on Jason because as we were in the car racing to catch a train back to New York, he told me he wanted what they have. He was ready for a child and a bigger family than just us two. We already knew my period was two days late – so I joked with him that he might get what he wished for.
On the train ride home, it was the first time that we considered that there might be a real reason my period was late. We decided to take a home pregnancy test when we got home (even though it would be after midnight) because I was pretty sure it would be negative and then we could stop worrying and just go to sleep.
I went in the bathroom, read the instructions, and peed on the stick. I put the cap on and held it up and noticed a line forming. But then, within one second – I saw the beginning of a second faint line. I threw the stick on the counter and yelled for Jason to get in there. I told him to look at it – I couldn’t because I thought I saw a second line and my heart was pounding. By the time he looked at it the second line must have been there loud and clear because he substantiated what I thought I had seen when he said “what do two lines mean?” My heart jumped out of my chest and onto the bathroom floor. In fact, I’m surprised the baby lived through the minor cardiac arrest that followed. I got off the toilet and stood there in shock. Jason gave me a big hug all while grinning from ear to ear. Then we brushed our teeth, changed our clothes and got in bed, just like usual. Both of us had an early morning, so Jason told me to think about trees – not our new discovery so that I could sleep. Trees? Really? I didn’t sleep. But every time I looked over he was sound asleep.
My mind was racing with questions. How are we going to have a baby in this apartment? Who will be my doctor? How much have I had to drink in the last few weeks? How am I going to manage school and a baby? Jason is going to have to do all the cleaning that involves chemicals. I am going to have a huge stomach. I am going to get really fat! What if the baby isn’t born healthy? Will we have a boy or a girl? And on and on until I finally dozed off.
The next morning I woke up still in shock and had to head straight to Brooklyn to do a childcare assessment for one of our projects. When I came home Jason was still there on the couch – suddenly feeling sick and playing hooky from work. On the subway ride home from Brooklyn I had decided that everything was probably going to work out just fine and I gave myself permission to quit panicking. However, the state I found Jason in clearly indicated that panic had finally set in for him. We spent the next 24 hours switching off between being shocked and being excited. Luckily we were never in the shock stage at the same time – so the calm one could always talk the other one off the ledge.
On Tuesday night we decided we would tell our parents. This news was met with much excitement from all. Jason’s Dad cried, Jason’s mom thought Jason was telling her a joke, and my parents went in the yard and set off a fire work. They reported back that it had gone off, straight up (healthy), and that whatever contents exploded out of the inside indicated it was a girl. Good omen.
Hearing others’ excitement really helped us realize it was ok for us to be excited as well. My feelings are still not settled on excited and happy though. They shift a lot from happiness, to fear, to panic, and back to happiness. But I assume this is normal. We have nine months to get used to and ready for the baby’s arrival – and that is more than enough time to settle comfortably into our new plan – and our new reality.
So now, here I am at week six – today is Sunday so it’s exactly two weeks from when I sat on the toilet and saw the second line. Some of the questions from that first night have been answered – and some remain to be seen. But we do have a doctor, actually a midwife. We’ll be seeing my mom’s friend Barbie who is actually a midwife (and professionally goes by Barbara).
In other news, on Wednesday I started feeling queasy and have been hating bags of trash, the fridge, smokers, perfume and anything or anyone else that emits any kind of smell. But morning sickness is a strange phenomenon. Nausea gets worse with hunger – but it’s a evil catch 22 since I’ve completely lost my appetite. But I can feel the hunger despite all food seeming torturous to have within 20 feet of me. So every meal is a chore (and I dread it like one) to run through the food options in my mind – what can I eat? This little process leads to a lot of gagging and weird coughing. If I can think of something that sounds ok – then I’m stuck on it and have to have it. Mostly these foods have been in the warm, prepared, and very salty category. (no plain, tasteless carbs – especially whole grains are really, really unappealing). And once I have that food in front of me – I eat it like it’s my last meal. Like it’s the best food I’ve ever tried. This eating frenzy is usually followed my more nausea. But then that food is worn out – and so far at least, I haven’t wanted to eat anything more than once. I think, even in New York, I run the risk of eventually running out of new things to eat. This is supposed to last 6 more weeks – I think by the end we will have exhausted every take out option on the island of Manhattan.
For our six month anniversary (which was really Feb 25 – but we didn’t get to celebrate until the 29th), Jason and I made dinner reservations at a new restaurant in our neighborhood called Madeleine Mae’s. Over dinner we talked about our careers, our relationship – and our future. We set up a tentative timeline for having kids (maybe we’d start trying early in the spring semester of 09) and we’d have a newborn right when I was finishing up and defending my dissertation. Then I could take some time off before going to work. It was a good plan. However, in our newlywed bliss, somehow the plan got lost over the course of the weekend.
So fast forward to three weeks later – Easter Day. Jason and I were in Baltimore. On Easter Sunday our friends Mandy and Josh gave birth to their first son Patrick. Only hours after he was born we went to the hospital to meet him. Seeing a baby only a few hours after birth is a true miracle. It’s hard to believe that just shortly before he was living inside of Mandy – and now he was out in the world. Only a few hours behind him and his long life still stretched out before him. Seeing little Patrick must have made an equally large impression on Jason because as we were in the car racing to catch a train back to New York, he told me he wanted what they have. He was ready for a child and a bigger family than just us two. We already knew my period was two days late – so I joked with him that he might get what he wished for.
On the train ride home, it was the first time that we considered that there might be a real reason my period was late. We decided to take a home pregnancy test when we got home (even though it would be after midnight) because I was pretty sure it would be negative and then we could stop worrying and just go to sleep.
I went in the bathroom, read the instructions, and peed on the stick. I put the cap on and held it up and noticed a line forming. But then, within one second – I saw the beginning of a second faint line. I threw the stick on the counter and yelled for Jason to get in there. I told him to look at it – I couldn’t because I thought I saw a second line and my heart was pounding. By the time he looked at it the second line must have been there loud and clear because he substantiated what I thought I had seen when he said “what do two lines mean?” My heart jumped out of my chest and onto the bathroom floor. In fact, I’m surprised the baby lived through the minor cardiac arrest that followed. I got off the toilet and stood there in shock. Jason gave me a big hug all while grinning from ear to ear. Then we brushed our teeth, changed our clothes and got in bed, just like usual. Both of us had an early morning, so Jason told me to think about trees – not our new discovery so that I could sleep. Trees? Really? I didn’t sleep. But every time I looked over he was sound asleep.
My mind was racing with questions. How are we going to have a baby in this apartment? Who will be my doctor? How much have I had to drink in the last few weeks? How am I going to manage school and a baby? Jason is going to have to do all the cleaning that involves chemicals. I am going to have a huge stomach. I am going to get really fat! What if the baby isn’t born healthy? Will we have a boy or a girl? And on and on until I finally dozed off.
The next morning I woke up still in shock and had to head straight to Brooklyn to do a childcare assessment for one of our projects. When I came home Jason was still there on the couch – suddenly feeling sick and playing hooky from work. On the subway ride home from Brooklyn I had decided that everything was probably going to work out just fine and I gave myself permission to quit panicking. However, the state I found Jason in clearly indicated that panic had finally set in for him. We spent the next 24 hours switching off between being shocked and being excited. Luckily we were never in the shock stage at the same time – so the calm one could always talk the other one off the ledge.
On Tuesday night we decided we would tell our parents. This news was met with much excitement from all. Jason’s Dad cried, Jason’s mom thought Jason was telling her a joke, and my parents went in the yard and set off a fire work. They reported back that it had gone off, straight up (healthy), and that whatever contents exploded out of the inside indicated it was a girl. Good omen.
Hearing others’ excitement really helped us realize it was ok for us to be excited as well. My feelings are still not settled on excited and happy though. They shift a lot from happiness, to fear, to panic, and back to happiness. But I assume this is normal. We have nine months to get used to and ready for the baby’s arrival – and that is more than enough time to settle comfortably into our new plan – and our new reality.
So now, here I am at week six – today is Sunday so it’s exactly two weeks from when I sat on the toilet and saw the second line. Some of the questions from that first night have been answered – and some remain to be seen. But we do have a doctor, actually a midwife. We’ll be seeing my mom’s friend Barbie who is actually a midwife (and professionally goes by Barbara).
In other news, on Wednesday I started feeling queasy and have been hating bags of trash, the fridge, smokers, perfume and anything or anyone else that emits any kind of smell. But morning sickness is a strange phenomenon. Nausea gets worse with hunger – but it’s a evil catch 22 since I’ve completely lost my appetite. But I can feel the hunger despite all food seeming torturous to have within 20 feet of me. So every meal is a chore (and I dread it like one) to run through the food options in my mind – what can I eat? This little process leads to a lot of gagging and weird coughing. If I can think of something that sounds ok – then I’m stuck on it and have to have it. Mostly these foods have been in the warm, prepared, and very salty category. (no plain, tasteless carbs – especially whole grains are really, really unappealing). And once I have that food in front of me – I eat it like it’s my last meal. Like it’s the best food I’ve ever tried. This eating frenzy is usually followed my more nausea. But then that food is worn out – and so far at least, I haven’t wanted to eat anything more than once. I think, even in New York, I run the risk of eventually running out of new things to eat. This is supposed to last 6 more weeks – I think by the end we will have exhausted every take out option on the island of Manhattan.
3 comments:
Pia and I miss you guys so much and we were just talking about how much Nina should be showing by now. I love the blog idea because, not only do we no longer have to guess how much Nina is showing, but we also get a story to go along with the pictures. Let me just say, I can't wait to hold your newborn high in the air and welcome him/her to the new world (and if things go our way in that other November event, that statement may have as much meaning for us as it will for the child). We can't wait to see y'all, and keep the stories coming!!!
Well put, Raimundo; well put
Yep, the baby is pregnant alright! A baby inside the baby. Time to call Nina a lady, I guess. Like Jason, I have to re-learn the pregnancy fact over and over, although now, with the belly showing like this, if we don't finally get it, we are really slow learners.
Nice writing Nina, I am proud of you both or, as I am getting around to comprehend, all three of you!
K-Daddy
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