We've been busy in our little household, so it's been a while since I've been able to update the blog. We celebrated Liam's birthday and then headed to Baltimore the next morning for Thanksgiving. A week and a half later Jason and I left Liam with our parents to join our Texas peeps in Puerto Vallerta for Pia and Raymond's wedding. In between all of the traveling and celebrating, I've been trying to make progress on my dissertation and work on a few other school-related projects. This weekend Liam and I are headed back to Baltimore where my whole family is gathering for Christmas. Jason has to work next week, so he’ll meet us there on Christmas Eve.
So below is a quick pictorial summary of the last few weeks. But first, by request from Brittany, a list of the things Liam says:
“Whassit?” (What is it?) “Whassat?” (what’s that? …Usually prefaced by a long “ooooooh!”) “Diss” (This) “Dat” (That) “Tiss” (Kiss) “Dada” “Mum”or “Mumum” He says something that sounds like “I like that” which is impossible to write phonetically. “Duhd” (Dog …he says it when he sees dogs…and sometimes birds) “Uh-oh”
And then there are the things he repeats when you say them first:
“Stuck” “Out” “Pop” “Tree” (Christmas tree) “Dit” (Light) “Bah” (Ball) “Push” “Fsssh” (Fish) “Ot” (Hot) He also mimics the sound of fire engines going by outside and he sings his own version of his bath time song and the itsy bitsy spider. Both unrecognizable to the untrained ear.
Liam eating birthday cake with Grandma and Opa Klaus.
Liam eating birthday cake with his Grandad, Pop, and Joan.
Liam's Snoopy cake at his Nana and Grampa's house.
Liam eating cake with his Nana and Grampa.
Jason and I had a great time in Mexico. Pia and Raymond's wedding was beautiful and it was nice to be free of our daily responsibilities for a few days. And back in New York, Liam had a fabulous time bonding with his Nana and Grampa and then his Grandma and Opa Klaus. But I would be lying if I said I didn't miss him the entire time. By the last day I was definitely ready to come back home. When we finally arrived back to our apartment it was late and Liam was already in bed. However, he woke during the night and I, of course, didn’t miss out on the chance to greet him. I picked him up out of his crib, he stared at my face for a second, hugged me, and then said “Tiss. Mum.” (see above for translation).
There were no pictures of Jason that he approved for blog publication. But I swear he was there with me.
Happy First Birthday Liam! We started out the day by bringing Liam into our bed and recounting the events of his birth. Liam wasn’t listening but - as usual - he enjoyed the time with mommy and daddy together, both paying their undivided attention to him.
This past year has been so many things to me. Of course life has gotten a lot busier, a lot more hectic, and a lot more tiring. But with the extra work of having a child comes a sense of fulfillment, efficacy, and meaning that I haven’t gotten from anything else in life so far. Our hard work is paying off every day right before our very eyes. Liam is developing into such a great little person. He’s smart, he’s loving, he’s curious, he’s social, and he’s funny. Nothing compares to the satisfaction of watching his sense of self in the world develop as he learns new ways to communicate and explore. And no feeling compares to holding his warm little body in my arms and having his head resting on my shoulder. He’s perfect, and Jason and I are so lucky that we get to raise him.
Yesterday we kicked off the epic celebration of Liam’s birthday with his party with his friends at school.
And tonight Jason, Liam, and I had a little family party over dinner and cupcakes (complete with the shiniest balloon we could find). We also opened a few presents and cards that had come in the mail. Tomorrow we will head to Baltimore to continue celebrating both Thanksgiving and Our Little One-Year-Old Turkey with our families.
In honor of Liam’s first birthday I am posting the story of Liam’s birth. I wrote it a little while after he was born, but never got around to posting it. It is chock full of ‘too much information’. But I didn’t want to forget a single thing. Enjoy!
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Liam’s Birth
Liam will be seven weeks old tomorrow and I am just now getting a chance to write down the experience. The seven weeks of his life so far have been very eventful – just like his birth. In his short life he has already changed and learned so much. His experiences have already begun to shape who he is. He’s gained almost three pounds which has also changed his appearance quite a bit since his birth. He’s an excellent breastfeeder and extremely alert and communicative. Jason and I feel so lucky to have him as our son.
To understand Liam’s birth from Jason and my perspective, one must keep in mind that we were planning a natural childbirth, in a birthing center, with a midwife. From before the onset of labor, we were disqualified from delivering at the Birthing Center at St. Luke’s Roosevelt due to high blood pressure at the end of my pregnancy. About three weeks before my due date my blood pressure shot up and caused me to be on bed rest. When on Monday November 24th (four days before my due date), my blood pressure needed monitoring at the hospital, I was told the birthing center was no longer an option and that when labor did start, we would be reporting to the regular labor and deliver floor.
That Monday appointment was with Elizabeth at the CBS office. She said she didn’t feel good about sending me home with my blood pressure where it was (about 150 /90) and instead sent me to the hospital where Barbara would meet me for monitoring. I arrived at the hospital and Jason met me there after leaving work early. I was hooked up to a fetal heart rate monitor, a blood pressure cuff, and a contraction monitor. We were there for a couple of hours during which my blood pressure came down, so I was allowed to go back home instead of being admitted. The contraction monitor showed that I was having regular contractions even though I couldn’t really feel them. They were coming every five minutes or so. But since I couldn’t really feel them yet, Barbara said they weren’t “organized” enough to be doing anything. She also said she wouldn’t let me go past my due date (which was on the 28th) because of the blood pressure, so she said it would be in my best interest to go into labor before that day. She recommended acupuncture. Before I left the hospital she also tried to strip my membranes to get things going naturally. I was only one cm dilated so she wasn't really able to do it well, but she must have gotten something started because I began having contractions I could feel as soon as we got home. They weren’t very painful – just like mild period cramps – so Jason and I got dinner and I settled back into my spot on the couch (where I had spent most of my bed rest time). I snoozed a little on the couch for about an hour and around 10pm Jason and I went to bed. I was still having some contractions, but they were totally sporadic so we decided it was best to get some sleep. I laid in bed awake while Jason fell asleep. It was almost immediately after I got in bed that the contractions seemed to get stronger. They also seemed like they were coming more regularly. So around 11pm I woke Jason up. We started monitoring the contractions using an online contraction timer and called Barbara about an hour later to let her know I had gone into labor. We also called my parents to let them know they should start driving up to New York. Barbara instructed us to call her back when labor got more active or when my water broke, and for me to drink fluid with electrolytes in the mean time since I wouldn’t be allowed to eat or drink once in the hospital. Jason and I went back out to the living room where we pulled out the futon so that we could both lay down. Jason was timing contractions and also ran out to get some juice and snacks. The contractions were getting stronger and closer together. Sometimes they lasted about a minute and came as close as 3 minutes apart. Then they would slow again for a bit. They were painful, but totally manageable – and all in all it was almost fun. Jason was taking really great care of me and it was exciting to think about what was happening. In the darkness and security of our living room I felt safe and not at all scared. I was totally relaxed on the futon under our big down comforter. Between contractions my mind wondered off and sometimes I almost fell asleep. Around 2:30 am Jason suggested I get in the shower since it may be my last chance to shower until after the baby was born. So I got in and let the warm water run down my back as I sat in the bottom of the tub. The water eased the pain of the contractions and even slowed them down a bit – so in fear of stalling them, I got out without lingering too long. Jason helped me dry my hair, and just as I was sitting on the (closed) toilet pulling my pants on, my water broke. I felt a little internal pop before I felt the large gush of fluid. By then it was around 3am. When I looked down I saw lots of brown water and immediately knew that meant there was meconium in the water. We called Barbara back and she told us to head right back to the hospital. The fear of what the meconium meant slowed my contractions for a bit as Jason and I quickly gathered our things and headed down to hail a cab.
We’d been warned that cab drivers are not fond of taking a woman in labor to the hospital, so Jason went to the corner to hail a cab on his own while I stayed inside the stairwell of our building. It took him a little while, and as I waited, my fear grew. I was wondering what was causing the baby’s distress. What could be wrong? And had he already been harmed in some way? When Jason finally got a cab, he told the driver he needed to go back to his place to pick up his things, that’s when he retrieved me and our bags. I kept a pillow over my belly, although I don’t think the cab driver was fooled – our destination was the hospital after all. The ride was very fast since it was night and there were very few other cars on the road. However, it seemed long to me. I was worried about having a contraction in the cab, and about the babies health. Jason was worried too. I think he told me it was ok a few times, but mostly we sat quietly. When we got to the hospital we entered through the emergency room since the front doors are locked at night. When we got up to the labor and delivery floor, we told the receptionist that I was in labor and had meconium in my water. However, it took them quite a while to get us a room. After we were in a room, my contractions started back up. The water was still leaking (sometimes gushing out), so I waited perched on the toilet for a nurse to come in and hook me up to the monitors. After a while of waiting, Jason went out to the nurses station to ask why no one had come. Apparently they were waiting for me to come out of the bathroom and get in bed. So we were in the hospital for almost an hour before the baby and I were on the monitor. Barbara met us at the hospital shortly after the nurse finally came. My contractions became regular again and the babies heart rate looked good on the monitor, so the nurse and Barbara began collecting information and filling out their paper work. No one seemed particularly panicked about the meconium. I was still only one centimeter dilated and about 50% effaced . The baby was still at the -3 station. My parents showed up shortly after (after having made record time in the car). My dad went back to the apartment to get some sleep while my mom stayed with us in the hospital. About an hour after admission I also got an IV since the no eating or drinking rule means there is a risk of dehydration. Barbara also broke the second bag of water, which led to a second gush of meconium filled fluid. On the monitor, the baby’s heart rate was generally good, but some decelerations began to appear, so around dawn Barbara put an internal monitor on the baby’s head to better keep an eye on him. Because I was still barely dilated, this was pretty painful to insert. I also had to wear an oxygen mask to get extra oxygen into my blood stream and to the baby. By morning the lack of sleep and growing contractions were catching up to me and I was starting to feel quite beat down. At some point around day break I also started having terrible back labor. I could still feel the pain of the contractions like severe period cramps low and in the front, but in addition, I also experienced extreme pressure in my hips and lower back. Unlike the contractions, this pressure did not entirely go away between contractions. It not only hurt, but it made every position in bed uncomfortable. The IV fluid was also filling my bladder frequently, and deciphering the need to pee from the pain actually wasn’t easy. So periodically I sat on the bed pan in the bed. Right after I peed, the back labor would feel temporarily better. I also tried changing positions. I stood up, sat down, laid on my side, my back, and up on all fours. We tried the birthing ball as well as warm pressure on my lower back. The heat wasn’t much help, but the pressure was good, so Jason and my mom took turns. My dad even took a turn when he stopped by to see how things were going. Each new position would bring temporary relief, but nothing worked long. The best was staying on all fours with Jason applying inward pressure on my lower hips during each contraction. I know this was a ton of work for him, but it was the only thing that made the pain seem bearable. Slowly I felt my control over the situation slipping away. I wasn’t getting a break between contractions and no longer felt like I could relax. At the beginning of a contraction my mom would sometimes take my hand to relax it. Only then would I notice how tense I was becoming.
The baby seemed to be doing the best when I was on all fours. It was when I tried to squat or lean forward in anyway, that his heart rate seemed to drop. Several times it dropped and a nurse or Barbara would come in and instruct me on how to change positions.
By about 11am my contractions were looking like transition contractions on the monitor, but I was still only 2 cm dilated and the baby hadn’t descended any further. It seemed like he had gotten himself into a bad position. After Barbara checked me and nothing had progressed I felt totally deflated. Where I had been focused on managing the pain all morning, I now felt like I couldn’t go on any further since I knew just how much further we had to go. Apparently by this time in the morning the baby’s heart rate had taken enough dips that the back-up doctors were already notified and standing by.
But since the baby’s heart rate temporarily looked good, Barbara recommended I get an epidural so that I could relax and hopefully he could descend more freely. I was so relieved to hear her say it, because I felt like I needed relief but I wasn’t ready to cave and bring up the epidural myself. After she proposed it, I felt like the anesthesiologist couldn’t come fast enough. When he did come, everyone left the room except for the Doctor, a nurse and Jason. Together they talked me through the process. Even though everyone always talks about getting an epidural so nonchalantly, I found the process to be painful and really weird. The needle going in hurt and the feeling of my legs and lower body going numb felt very strange. I no longer felt like the owner of my body. I now felt like I was no longer in control and that the doctors and nurses were in charge of me. But the relief from the pain was incredible and within minutes I felt like a whole new person. I was told to lay down and try to get some sleep. I laid down thinking there was no way I could get enough rest to give me enough strength to push a baby out.
Right as I laid down, the baby’s heart rate dipped down to about 50. I could hear the beeping on the monitor slowing down. Suddenly the room was filled with doctors and nurses. It turns out that I was having a tetanic contraction – a persistent contraction that doesn’t let up. The nurse gave me a shot to try and stop the contraction while Barbara tried to manually get his heart rate up. Between the contraction and Barbara manipulating his head through my barely dilated cervix - looking back I am really glad I was numb at that point. Those minutes when his heart rate was low and everyone was rushing around are a total blur to me now. I know I signed the consent for surgery and I know the doctor said it was time to go and Barbara said she wanted to try and sustain his heart rate. By that time I wasn’t upset about having to have a c-section. I was just ready to get the baby out before something happened to harm him. Barbara was able to get his heart rate back up, but not sustain it, so within seconds we were on our way to the OR. The time in the OR was a blur as well. I stayed on all fours as they transported me through the halls and as they prepped the room. Barbara came in and reassured me that the baby was fine – that nothing had happened yet that could have hurt him, but that it was time to take him out so that nothing would happen. They didn’t have me lay down on my back until they were ready to prep me. They put the curtain up, fiddled with the IV and epidural and Jason was sent in dressed in scrubs. I wasn’t sure when the incision was made, but it was sometime after they made sure I couldn’t feel anything. I was shaking from the epidural and feeling referred pain in my shoulders. To try and relax I tried to imagine breastfeeding a sweet, new, little baby for the first time. Barbara told me what each step of the procedure would be like right before it happened. Just as she described, I felt some pulling and tugging, and then the upward pressure of the doctor lifting the baby out of my pelvis. When they pulled the baby out, I suddenly felt light as a feather lying on the table. The amount of weight that I felt lifted was incredible. Barbara said to listen for the baby crying, that is was a good sign. We heard the sucking sounds as they cleaned the meconium out and then we heard the baby cry. Liam was born two minutes after noon. Jason and I both started crying ourselves. I tried not to cry hard because I could just imagine blood squirting everywhere from the pressure of my sobbing. Despite the scare, Liam was totally healthy. He hadn’t inhale any meconium and he got a 9 on both Apgar scores; both the three and five minute. As they were weighing him, Barbie took some pictures and showed them to us. His head was very cone shaped from having been lodged in my pelvis, despite never having descended. When the pediatrician was finished examining him, Liam was handed to Jason who brought him to where I could see him. He wasn’t crying anymore but still looked stunned from what had just happened to him. I searched for some familiarity in him, but he looked like a stranger to me. It was surreal to look at this baby and know that minutes ago he had been living with me inside my body. Jason put Liam’s cheek on mine since we couldn’t do the immediate skin to skin I had dreamed of. However, I was beginning to feel very nauseous and had to ask Jason to move him in fear that I might throw up on our new baby. The nurse gave me something in my IV that made the nausea go away. Barbara, Jason, and Liam headed to the nursery as I was being stitched back up. It felt like it took ages to finish the procedure and close everything up. I felt so thirsty, shaky, and panicky, that it took all my mental power not to get up off the table and run out of the room. It was a very claustrophobic feeling being trapped on the table while the doctor and nurses worked on my abdomen where I couldn’t see.
In recovery, Barbara and Jason came back with Liam. Barbara said “this is your baby” – not as an introduction, but more as a command – as if saying the words would erase the precious minutes after birth that he and I had already spent apart. She put him on my chest and he breastfed with an instant perfect latch. He fed for only a few minutes and then rested on my chest in exhaustion. However, he kept his little eyes open and tried to focus on my face. Now I felt the recognition I had been searching for in the OR. To me he looked like baby Vera and suddenly he felt like my child. He was very tiny and because I was still shaking and still feeling slightly panicky, I was relieved when Jeff and my parents came and all took turns holding him.
Later that night, after hours in recovery, after my parents had gone back home, after vomiting a few times, and after Jason and I had both fallen asleep and then awoken to a crying baby, I asked Jason to hand him to me from his bassinet. Liam and I laid together in the darkened hospital room. He was laying on my tummy looking up at me with his small chin raised and his eyes open wide. His expression was clear, and it said “you’re my mom, right? Please take care of me”. At that moment I fell instantly in love – deeply in love. The way Liam looked at me, and the way that I felt in return, are forever burned in my mind. I never wanted him to leave my arms again. We both fell asleep then and didn’t wake up until it was light outside.
Last night Liam made it all the way through the night until shortly before 5am. And then he was up for the day. Not sure if that counts. Though, I am sure that having to be up before 5am takes the glory out of it if it does count.
Liam has slept through the night two nights in a row now (Friday night, the night after he initially did it, didn't go so well). Keep your fingers crossed for tonight. It's a habit after three nights in a row!
Liam slept through the night last night!.... Straight from 6pm until 7am. I know, it's pathetic that at his age this isn't a regular occurrence. But that makes it even more exciting for me. He's done it a hand-full of times before, but this time hopefully it will stick!
I’ve gotten a bit behind with the blogging lately. But I promise to catch up within the next few days. Obviously I need to post some Halloween pictures of Liam in his costume. Unfortunately, those will have to wait a few more days until I have Photoshop up and running on my computer again.
Ever since Liam started crawling, his little personality has really started to bloom. His likes, dislikes, and wants have become so much more apparent. Just seeing him crawl to where he wants to be is pretty telling. We’ve learned that he loves our shoes, loves emptying the cabinets in the kitchen and bathroom, loves checking out what’s in the trashcan, and loves following us from one room to the other. And if you turn the radio on, he’ll drop whatever he’s doing and sprint-crawl over to it to dance. He loves turning all of the knobs and making the music come on and off. Here’s the dancing DJ:
When Liam wants to be picked up he crawls over to one of us and either hovers over our feet or tugs on our pants. Once he’s in your arms he begins to point at where he’d like to go next. The pointing is really great because it’s such a clear form of communication. When we’re seated at the table eating dinner, he points to his cup when he wants more water or points to the food he’d like more of. Between the pointing, crawling, and Liam’s “talking” (which is more like a secret language than it is English), I feel like most of the guesswork has been eliminated from my job. Nine out of ten times I know exactly what he wants at any given moment.
We’ve also learned that Liam is a little entertainer. He’ll do anything for a laugh. In fact, if you laugh at him and he’s not quite sure what it was that was funny, he’ll start trying out different things to see if you’ll laugh again. Today at lunch he must have been chilly (or peed in his diaper) because suddenly I could see him get a chill as his little body quivered for a second. As soon as I giggled at him he looked up at me, smiled, and then shook his arms and shoulders trying to repeat the shiver. Then he burst out laughing at himself.
We’ve also taught Liam a few little show-monkey tricks. When we say “touchdown” he lifts his hands over his head, when we say “monkey feet” he claps his feet, and when we say “yay” he claps his hands. Jason also taught Liam to squeeze his nose when he says “honk honk”. Liam can also wave bye-bye and says “bu bu”. But only when he feels like it.
As we’re rounding the last corner before his first birthday, it amazing to suddenly witness this transformation from baby to one-year-old.
And until I have Halloween pictures to share these photos from Liam’s school from the first half of October will have to do!
Here Liam has ditched his diaper bin (behind him) and is playing with someone else's diaper.
The "dance space" is where they go when the weather is bad and they can't go to the park.
Self-help skills = very wet shirt.
I swear his head doesnt look this shiny in real life. He is getting some hair - promise.
Liam is finally crawling! Really crawling. On all fours. It started last Thursday morning at school. As I was dropping him off in the morning, I set him down to put away his coat and lunch, and he got on all fours and crawled toward me. Before that morning, he had been doing it for a few "steps" every now and again. But that time he covered about 4 or 5 feet of distance on all fours. He must have practiced a lot around his childcare room on Thursday, because when I picked him up that afternoon, brought him home, and set him on the floor, he just crawled off. Since then he's been getting steadier and faster. I think his progress was accelerated because we were at Kim and Greg's house in the "country" (in Suffern) this weekend. We went because we hadn’t seen Kim and Greg in ages, hadn’t met Ethan yet, and wanted to do something outside of the city for Jason’s birthday. There Liam honed his skills, since he had new toys (well, Ethan's toys) to crawl to and lots more space for exploration. Now he's pretty fast and also pretty pleased with himself. I imagine that being able to get to the shoes by the front door, the computer cables, and the trashcan whenever you want is pretty liberating. Of course our job of keep him safe (and relatively clean) just got a bit harder. But the delight of watching him get around on his own far outweighs the extra work.
Liam and Ethan were pretty adorable together this weekend. Ethan is such a cute baby and has such a laid back personality. He's friendly and smiley and easy going. On the other hand, he is also ambitious. He enjoys being on his tummy and is already making moves like he wants to crawl (or run) away. I'm glad Liam figured out the crawling thing before Ethan is crawling circles around him!
We took advantage of the beautiful fall weather and spent Jason’s birthday afternoon pumpkin picking on a pumpkin and apple farm. We have some pretty adorable pictures.
I love that face.
The birthday boy and happy Liam.
A Dragon sleeping in his cave.
Sarah!
Also here’s a video from this morning of Liam crawling. In the background we’re listening to our latest WhitMix. Thank you, Whitney!!
Liam eating birthday cake with Grandma and Opa Klaus. 
Liam eating birthday cake with his Grandad, Pop, and Joan.
Liam's Snoopy cake at his Nana and Grampa's house.
Liam eating cake with his Nana and Grampa.
There were no pictures of Jason that he approved for blog publication. But I swear he was there with me. 
A Dragon sleeping in his cave.
Sarah!
